Irrational

I've found that people love to label others as "irrational". I have been called this by many people in my past. 

Once I was called irrational by a former best friend of mine. We had been best friends for years and one day for reasons still unbeknownst to me our friendship ended. I went from talking to this person every single day to being cut out of his life in every way. My heart broke and I mourned the greatest loss I had ever felt. 

Not knowing why he had decided to end our friendship I tried for months to find the answers. I sent him emails to which he never responded. I called a few times, and the phone was never answered. Heartbroken and devastated I made one last appeal by showing up to his apartment with plate of cookies asking to come in a talk. He refused to let me in and told me I was irrational. I left that night and haven't spoken to him in 4 years.

Recently I was talking to a guy who I cared for a great deal. He's come in and out of my life for the past 15 years and for a few years now I've hoped to build some sort of authentic relationship with him.  There have been a few times through lives when our paths have crossed during which he has allowed me to see very small pieces of himself, of his  heart and as a result I lowered my own guard. I found myself vulnerable to him. 

We talked for months and then life finally gave us an opportunity to spend time together. It was great, but he didn't stick around long. There were other factors that made our situation difficult and that I understand.  I asked to still be in his life, I asked to be his friend and to that he never responded. 

After months I talked to him again. He claimed he isn't in my life because I'm irrational. There it is again. Being accused of being irrational because I long to effectively communicate with someone, because I hope for reasons as to why someone has shut me out, labeled irrational because I was brave and decided to be vulnerable, Because I decided to risk heartache. 

........

Irrational is egging a persons car because they don't like you.

Irrational is showing up everywhere the other person goes.

Irrational is calling/texting/facebooking a person over and over. 

I've never done any of those things. 

........

Asking to call the person to clear the air isn't irrational. 

Asking to meet for coffee to talk isn't irrational.

Asking to repair a broken relationship isn't irrational. 

I have done all of those things. 

I write this blog because have found that so many people I know are accused of being irrational for the same reasons I have been. People with gentle spirits and open hearts, people with a desire for clear communication, and hope to repair relationships. People willing to be humble and show their weaknesses. These are the people considered irrational. Being kind, focused on relationships, loving and hopeful isn't irrational it's courageous and shows true strength.

I wish the world would recognize this.