Energy

You know those relationships in your life that require so much of your energy? The ones which drain you rather than fill you, the ones that are exhausting not exciting. 

The ex boyfriend who you try to stay friends with after the two of you mutually break up. 

The friend who suddenly disappears from your day to day life. 

The guy you're crazy about but you realize has put you on the back burner.

The family member who projects all their emotional insecurities and life frustrations onto you. 

You know those relationship? I do. So well.

Last night I was thinking about how these people, the ones I've (on many occasions) put the most time and energy into pleasing, into trying to make happy, into catering to, are in fact the people with whom I have little or no relationship with today. 

Let me clarify this.

Now in all relationships there is always time, and energy that is required to make the relationship healthy. There must be open communication. There must be empathy, sympathy, understanding, forgiveness, grace, and acceptance. Healthy relationships require kind words, quality time and authenticity. However, all of these must be done by both parties. Healthy relationships are a two way street, which require equal giving and receiving by both people.

So when I realized last night that the people I've put the most time and energy into pleasing, into trying to make happy, into catering to, are in fact the people with whom I actually have little or no relationship with, it occurred to me that this was because all that time, and energy was being focused and used on relationships which weren't really relationships at all. 

Once I realized this I was of course frustrated that I have repeated this cycle  so many times and I was sad that I've wasted my energy on the wrong people on the wrong relationships. I immediately  determined that I will do longer do this. 

With my new found awareness fresh on my heart I happened to hear a quote this  morning which is incredibly fitting for my life right in this moment: 

"Channel your energy to the places in your life where it will have the most positive effect..."

So there it is, the way to change the poor relationship habits Ive allowed to be such central part of my life.  No more trying to convince someone I'm worth sticking around for, that a friendship with me would benefit them, that I'm the girl they should move from the back burner position. No more allowing myself to be the doormat, the pushover. No more energy wasted on negative people, in negative places; where my energy is drained and my spirit is shattered. 

From now on if it's not going to result in positive effects it no longer has my time, attention or energy.