This morning I was thinking about how complicated a lot of my relationships are with several people right now. Apart from God I value personal relationships with people above all else. With the importance I place on relationships my thoughts are constantly thinking about all the repair that's needed in particular ones, depending on the season of my life. I usually have a list of people I know I need to invest more time and love into if we are going to have a strong relationship. It's common for me to continually have things I'm working on in my own heart, mind and spirit because I recognize that sometimes to repair problems, or difficulties I'm facing with another person the solution is the need to humble myself. Having said that, I am also very aware that I often want to fix things that I didn't cause to break. I often want to take the blame for the hurt or friction I'm experiencing with another person, even if it was their doing. That of course is a problem.
Over the summer I was sitting at my friend's house. They are wonderful, loving people who I am so thankful to have been given. I was explaining my frustration with not being able to repair broken relationships. My friend very lovingly told me that in me he sees the 7 year old me constantly shining through. The little girl who cannot believe that people don't always have the best of intentions, that at times people honestly don't care if they hurt others, that people will purposefully use me, then toss me aside when I have fulfilled whatever they had decided I was good for at a particular place in their life. He was right. While I'm not naive and I know in my head people do all those things, in my heart and my spirit the 7 year old me struggles to accept it as truth. With this inability to force myself to see that others don't always have sincere intentions I allow many people into my life who don't deserve my time or attention. People who regardless of how I feel or how much I adore them being around are simply examples of people who are better for me to love at a distance.
With all this thinking I started wondering how this keeps happening. I mean, I am sometimes surprised by the true colors I find in people, however for the most part I'm pretty careful to only let "nice people" into my life. That's when I realized something, nice and kind are two different things, thus, nice and kind people may be two different kinds of people.
To me nice people are people who's actions are pleasing, agreeable, maybe even respectable, however, a kind person is kind because of the condition of their heart. Kind people's love, compassion and tenderness comes from somewhere deep within their spirits, from their core. Nice people have it right on the surface, and it's possible they desire to have it go deeper, they may even be actively working for that, but for kind people good deeds, thoughtful words, selfless actions are an overflow of some driving force deep within them.
Now don't get me wrong kind people aren't perfect, they are still people. Kind is the normal condition of their heart and spirit but that doesn't mean that they don't have hard times, get into bad moods, and that they don't sometimes trade in their good deeds for mean or hurtful actions. They do. It happens. However, I would argue that people who dedicate their life to being kind are sorely disappointed when their flaws over-shadow their intentions. Kind people break their own hearts when they hurt others with their words, actions or selfishness. Kind people recognize that when good is not seen outwardly, it's because something inwardly is off. Unlike a nice person, a kind person is never content with action alone they are striving for a life journey that will result in a mind, heart and spirit transformation.
So after thinking about all this, this morning I've determined that maybe I put too much energy into nice people, maybe I allow myself to be wounded too easily, or , maybe I just have unrealistic expectations. I'm really not sure. All I know is I try to believe that others care for me goes deeper than I see, that if they are nice and do nice things for me, then it's an overflow of a kind heart. I like to believe that people mean well and deserve multiple chances. However, I am recognizing that I lie to myself that I try to convince my heart that if people are nice, they must also be kind, that they always have noble intentions, they always mean well. I now realize that's just not always the case.
Over the summer I was sitting at my friend's house. They are wonderful, loving people who I am so thankful to have been given. I was explaining my frustration with not being able to repair broken relationships. My friend very lovingly told me that in me he sees the 7 year old me constantly shining through. The little girl who cannot believe that people don't always have the best of intentions, that at times people honestly don't care if they hurt others, that people will purposefully use me, then toss me aside when I have fulfilled whatever they had decided I was good for at a particular place in their life. He was right. While I'm not naive and I know in my head people do all those things, in my heart and my spirit the 7 year old me struggles to accept it as truth. With this inability to force myself to see that others don't always have sincere intentions I allow many people into my life who don't deserve my time or attention. People who regardless of how I feel or how much I adore them being around are simply examples of people who are better for me to love at a distance.
With all this thinking I started wondering how this keeps happening. I mean, I am sometimes surprised by the true colors I find in people, however for the most part I'm pretty careful to only let "nice people" into my life. That's when I realized something, nice and kind are two different things, thus, nice and kind people may be two different kinds of people.
To me nice people are people who's actions are pleasing, agreeable, maybe even respectable, however, a kind person is kind because of the condition of their heart. Kind people's love, compassion and tenderness comes from somewhere deep within their spirits, from their core. Nice people have it right on the surface, and it's possible they desire to have it go deeper, they may even be actively working for that, but for kind people good deeds, thoughtful words, selfless actions are an overflow of some driving force deep within them.
Now don't get me wrong kind people aren't perfect, they are still people. Kind is the normal condition of their heart and spirit but that doesn't mean that they don't have hard times, get into bad moods, and that they don't sometimes trade in their good deeds for mean or hurtful actions. They do. It happens. However, I would argue that people who dedicate their life to being kind are sorely disappointed when their flaws over-shadow their intentions. Kind people break their own hearts when they hurt others with their words, actions or selfishness. Kind people recognize that when good is not seen outwardly, it's because something inwardly is off. Unlike a nice person, a kind person is never content with action alone they are striving for a life journey that will result in a mind, heart and spirit transformation.
So after thinking about all this, this morning I've determined that maybe I put too much energy into nice people, maybe I allow myself to be wounded too easily, or , maybe I just have unrealistic expectations. I'm really not sure. All I know is I try to believe that others care for me goes deeper than I see, that if they are nice and do nice things for me, then it's an overflow of a kind heart. I like to believe that people mean well and deserve multiple chances. However, I am recognizing that I lie to myself that I try to convince my heart that if people are nice, they must also be kind, that they always have noble intentions, they always mean well. I now realize that's just not always the case.
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