Scars

One weekend when I was in first grade I was at a barn auction with my parents (VERY Wyoming I know).  So in the back corner of this huge barn there were several of my classmates playing. We were galloping around pretending to be horses.  All the sudden from the corner of the barn I remember a giant piece of metal fell.  Scared that we would get into trouble for it not being in its place I recall many of us using our 6 year old strength to push it back up, we thought that was best, most sneaky idea most of us had ever had, turns out it was actually a mistake.  A few minutes later it fell again, right on the top of my head. I passed out and faintly remember coming to, standing up, and blood streaming from my head. I remember my dad grabbing me, I remember being in the car, I remember my mom applying pressure to my head, I remember getting to the hospital, I remember being on the ER table.

I got 27 stitches on the top of my head that day, and I still have an amazingly noticeable scar across the top of my scalp if I position my hair the right way.

The next year I was in my bedroom putting my clothes away, as instructed by my mom.  However, being a 7 year old… always in a hurry to go on my next adventure,  I had put clothes in my drawer “the lazy way” and when I went to reopen the drawer it wouldn’t open. I tugged and tugged and with a final tug the mirror sitting on the dresser fell on me.  The corner of the mirror missed my left eye by millimeters.  Once again blood streamed down my face, my mom called my grandma and the two of them rushed me to the hospital.

I believe I got 13 stitches that day.  The scar was very predominate on the side of my eye for my entire childhood, now as an adult it is still noticeable however, it’s fading as I age. 

There are so many times when I look in the mirror and run my hand along those scars thinking how lucky I am that the cut on my head wasn’t deeper or that the mirror didn’t hit my eye, I have never been ashamed of my scars because I am thankful that God blessed me enough to protect me both times and let me escape with only a scars. 

We all have scars, some on our skin, some on our spirits, and some on our hearts.  While the scars like the one on my head or by my eye are seen, the scars on a spirit or on a heart are actually so much more visible.  These scars are shown in the way we live our lives.  If we allow them to scars can change the way we treat people, or the way we allow others to treat us. If we aren’t careful we allow scars to block others from entering our lives, from being our friends, from loving us.  Often times we let scars hold us back, we let scars keep us fearful, and we let scars stop love from blossoming. 

It seems once you enter your adulthood your body faces less of a threat to being wounded but your heart and spirit start taking a beating.  People hurt you, people let you down, and people break your heart.  Your spirit is filled with all the hurtful and unkind things people have said to and about you and your heart begins to overflow with pain from people deciding you aren’t what they want, or that you fall sort, or that they can’t find a reason to keep you around.  As an adult so many of your wounds can’t just be covered up with a band aid or stitched up, because it's not about what your wounds look like it's now how they feel, and with these wounds it’s so easy to become overwhelmed by the pain.

The thing we must remember is that no wound is forever, the scar will come. Scars are pain that has healed.  Sure the scar can be seen but if we allow it to, the pain will melt away.  Scars are only supposed to be reminders of lessons learned they aren’t supposed to keep us from living.

Scars teach us to be more cautious but they teach us that we are strong and brave and that we can make it through whatever life throws at us.  Scars confirm that when we love and let go we might get hurt, but if that happens we will be stronger and wiser for the next go around. 

I have 40 stitches under my belt, a body marked with observable scars and an invisible list with 25 years’ worth of scars made on my heart and spirit, however, this doesn’t stop me from living, really this encourages me to keep going.  If I’ve made it this far it means that pain comes and goes, wounds heal and I’m one tough girl. If I give in now and allow my scars to hold me back from enjoying life or going on adventures or loving then all scars I have accumulated up to now are pointless, but if I keep going, the scars are instead my life’s fuel and I will soon run out of fear for the things that result in scars. 

I have a lot more life to live. I have many more wounds in my future but I have a great certainty that each of those wounds will turn in to scars. At the end of my life all my scars will tell the story of my strength, my bravery and the life that I am so blessed have been given. This life has been, is and will continue to be a life of up’s and down’s, of love and heartache, and most of all of wounds that always turn into scars.