Her "beauty."

“The Victorian woman became her ovaries, as today's woman has become her "beauty." ― Naomi Wolf

When I first read that quote a few months ago, I was like “wow, that’s true, and man, that sucks that that’s true”. Then one morning last week I had the news on. A commercial came on the television for Sketchers. I thought nothing of it. The advertisement was clearly for a young teenage demographic. However, at the end of the commercial the audience of assumed teenage girls are told these shoes will give them 3 inches of height. I was instantly upset.

Girls and women are bombarded with advertisements and products, declaring that we need to make ourselves more beautiful, that unless we are constantly consumed with thoughts of clothes, hair, make up and weight we won't be pretty enough. And now 10, 11, 12 and 13 year olds are also being told that they aren’t the right height!?! UGH.

Billboards show women who are stunning, and desirable.  The pages of magazines are filled with women who have impeccable facial features, expensive clothing, shoes, and handbags, and who are perfectly fit and toned. Movies are filled with women who are small but have miraculous butts and boobs, their make-up is amazing even when they cry and have hair that looks sexy in the rain, or in the shower or in East Coast humidity. These women silently assign all women the goal of perfection. Women spend so much time, energy, and money trying to be flawless, but it won't ever happen.

Real women have stories, and lives. We have hurts, and struggles and frustrations. Real women have diseases that they must learn to live with.  Real women have physical pain that they must learn to cope with. Real women have babies; they carry around ANOTHER human being inside of them for 9 months. Real women get their hearts broken and lose 10 pounds in days because their sadness runs so deep. Real women just look at a beer and chicken wings and seem to gain seem 5 pounds.

Women are not only outwardly beautiful, but our beauty is also found in our spirits and minds. Real women work on improving ourselves.  We work on being more loving and kind. We spend our time and energy fixing our problems and working on relationships. Real women care for children. Real women raise families. Real women volunteer and donate when they can and what they can. 

Now I’m not one to say that all the beauty of women is on the inside, because there is no denying that women are PHYSICALLY gorgeous. Women come in different sizes, and shapes, and heights. Different eye colors, hair colors, skin tones.  We have soft skin and beautiful features and we smell good (most of the time).  What I am getting at however, is that the media, our culture, WE!, put too much emphasis on looks and every once in a while say things “but it’s on the inside that counts” and think that will balance everything out.  Obviously, that’s not working.

Now there isn’t a quick solution to the problem, but what I am suggesting is that maybe, we all work a bit on being more thoughtful when it comes to what A COMPLETE PICTURE of what true beauty is.

To men I say help us out a bit.  We would love for you to spend some time actually getting to know US, the real us. We would love if you would care about us even if it’s not going to be romantic, we would love you to be genuine friends to us because of our inward beauty. Sure we don’t mind if you think we are nice to look at (because we are!), but encourage us, and support us as we work on our inward beauty too.

To women I say (I include myself in this) I think that we could all use a lot more self- love and grace. We are all really quite beautiful, even if we don’t have make up on, or big boobs or small hips. I would love for all of us to learn to be happy with our looks, and our weight …. I would love for us all to learn to embrace our looks in a way that we loved ourselves and saw ourselves perfect, even in our “imperfections”.  Also, let’s not use our looks to be deceitful or disrespectful to the guys we meet. Let’s not play games with their hearts and minds, just to feel that rush of feeling desirable, let’s be kind. Let's demand more of ourselves! Let’s be women who tell the world that we embrace our outward beauty as we focus on constantly increasing all our inward beauty.